Faeries' Oracle

Beltaine & Ilbe

2010-05-01T06:49:00.000-07:00

Beltaine, the first of May, seems a good time to try to restart this. Rather than draw a card from the physical deck today, I drew one from my personal extended version of the cards in Second Life. The card I got for the day and the season was one of the original Faeries' Oracle deck: Ilbe the Retriever

The SL "cards" are different from the "real life" deck in that they are all words and no pictures. They may also differ in (usually small) ways from the book. This one says:

Ilbe the Retriever is the manager of the Office of Onclaimed Property Stuff (OOPS). He know where all the lost things are... dreams, hopes, ideas, things. If you've lost it, he knows.

He is trying to remind you of something you've lost - a hope or a dream that you believe gone forever. However, he is offering it back to you for reconsideration. *He* thinks you can do something with it now...

The way may not be obvious, but his clever nose has scented a path, a potential opening for bringing this into your life.

Perhaps, he might be saying that it is just waiting for you to open your heart and accept it, but more likely you will need to actually work for it. Be faithful. Be dogged and persist.

My Comments:
I like getting this now... there has been so much that has fallen by the wayside because of various "have to" issues in my life. I'm pleased to see hopefulness here. I don't even have to try to decide which of the many "dropped" things Ilbe is talking about... opportunities will arise and the way will open.....

43 Geeeeeooo the Slooow

2009-02-12T17:45:00.000-08:00

Card of the day:

Life has felt so complicated lately—well, for the last couple of years really. Yikes! That long! Looking at Geo and his soft, sweet smile, I realize that a lot of the seeming complications have been because I feel like time is rushingrushingrushing by and I'm not getting enough done!

When I think about that it is immediately clear that never in my life have I felt like I was getting enough done.

(thinks awhile...)

That brought me to a halt!

Okaaaaay...
Point 1. I have lots of ideas about wonderful things to do, probably too many for any one lifetime.

Point 2. I turn these knackerty knotions from "inspirations" into "oughts" - and then I feel even farther behind. For example, the eight unwritten books (and innumerable stories, essays, poetry chapbooks and other stuff) I have in my head—how many of them do I really want to write, and how many would I kinda like to write...someday...maybe, and how many are books others have told me they want me to write?

Point 3. I probably really need to think about all this and remove most of my knackerty knotions from the Ought To Do Mental File into mental files like: the Would Really Love To, the Might Want To Do Someday If There Is Time Allowed, and the Don't Really Want To, But It Was A Cool Idea Files.

(thinking, thinking, thinking...)

Well, gee, thanks a bunch, Geo! I'm feeling better already.

3 Guardian at the Gate, Reversed - and others

2006-07-30T14:03:00.000-07:00

This morning I drew the Guardian at the Gate, reversed, for my card for the day. My life has been full of changes, and I've been seeing this as a difficult-to-get-through gateway. The harder I try to get through the transitions to a peaceful place on the other side, the more obstacles I run into.

I'm just realizing that it may be saying that "a peaceful place on the other side" might just be an illusion...

Ouch!

Ok, I'll think more about that in a bit. Whatever is on the other side will wait until I get there. Right now, I just need to get through all the changes currently facing me, and then find out what is next. Or do I? The card is reversed, so either the gate is blocked somehow or I'm afraid to go through it. Maybe I'm afraid to go through it be because it really isn't going to make things better. So perhaps what is ahead is different, but not necessarily peace and quiet contentment. I really am wondering now... maybe even the whole idea that there is a gate with one thing on one side and something different on the other is just wishful thinking.

I guess I need to think about what it means if this process just keeps on happening with no resolution into peacefullness but just more of life as usual.

I just drew another card, asking what is on the other side of the gate, and got Unity. My first hopeful leap on that is "Oh, great! Everything is going to come together and be just fine!" But I don't think that's quite right. I suspect that it's really saying, when I really listen, that things are as they are, it's not going to suddenly become all okay. What's on the other side of the gate is all one piece with what's on this side. I'm going to have to continue taking the rough with the smooth. I just hope that there can be a little less rough and a lot more smooth, but perhaps I need to let that go of that idea as well.

Unity is saying to me right now that life is all one piece, all woven together. Take it as it comes; don't get thrown off balance by the things that happen. Don't expect that they will stop happening, either. What is, is. Deal with it. But it's okay to ask for help as I deal with it.

In fact, I'd better ask for help or they'll be miffed at not getting to help. They know they are better at this than I am.

Sigh!

So then, not much liking (though appreciating and saying thank you) the daily news from the Otherworld, I drew another card, asking, "Is there some good news for the day?"

Lys of the Shadows came up, patted me on the head, and said, "This is good news - you just don't know it yet!"

Then, I spoke with a friend and we discussed it a bit. He drew a card for me, in hopes of sorting this out. Nelys the Alchemyst came up. The message he got from her is that, yes, things really are changing, and they won't be what they were before once the changes take place. That doesn't mean that everything will suddenly become easy. Some old problems will go away, and new lessons take their place. However, that's no excuse not to get on with it!

Hopefully, some of the new lessons will be less stressful and more fun! But it isn't a promise.

You know, I didn't especially want to hear this on the overcast morning with a soot-covered house, cat, and self to deal with...

For information on why we are all soot-covered here, see http://blog.360.yahoo.com/blog-FMpOHlwwdZk1A.LTogvJ?p=570 for the fiery details. And no, I didn't draw a card for that day until after the fire.

48 A Collective of Pixies

2006-07-03T11:50:00.000-07:00

Card of the day:

Usually, I think of this collective as reminding me that I gotta do what I gotta do, so I might as well do it cheerfully and enjoy it. I tend to assume that they are talking about work, and certainly there is always work hanging around waiting to be done. This is a little different because I've been ill for a long while, work has been piling up and up and up, and there is still no energy to do it with, though I'm beginning to recover.

(I don't have a photo to go with this, but if I did, it would be something like wilted flowers and drooping grass.)

So, you can see why I first looked at the ernest faces on this card with a sinking feeling. Just about the time I was starting to flop around on the bottom, I realized that they were saying, "O! No! No! O!" I'm supposed to concentrate on getting well, not on getting work done. Work... well, it is always there.

I've been told this over and over, but today's message has finally gotten through. I need to do something more than force myself to avoid overdoing if I want to get better. If I'm going to be unwell anyway, I may as well just do it cheerfully and enjoy what I can of it. Enjoy the rest! Enjoy the quiet! Enjoy the solitude! Don't just take the time grudgingly, but embrace it. Don't feel guilty about lying there reading or sleeping. Enjoy it.

What a concept!

This has been a morning for turning ideas inside out...

20 Dark Lady

2006-06-09T12:40:00.000-07:00

My card for today is the Dark Lady. It's a little surprising to pull her card so close to the Bright Mother's full moon, but these things happen, especially when I'm falling behind. I look at her, puzzled, but not really listening. When I finally realize that I'm not listening, I center and earth myself and open up.

She says firmly, "I understand what you need today. You'd understand, too, if you'd listen deeply enough."

This immediately reminds me that I haven't been doing my inner journeys as I had planned, intended, and "want" to do. It also reminds me that I do really need to do them. And it makes it clear that my resistance has been "winning" while I've not been even noticing that it is there. It's the old thing of, if you've decided to do something you want to do and know would be beneficial to you—and then you don't do it, that's resistance, plain and simple.

That searching gaze of hers always makes me feel naked and transparent to her—even if not to myself. I think perhaps an inner journey is in order today to learn what it is that I understand without knowing it—or know without understanding it.

Funny thing—I feel nervous about this, as if she were going to scold me. I usually feel that with her, and yet she has never been other than loving in all the years we have talked together. I suppose I'm projecting my own scolding of myself. (How many times has the Soul Shrinker warned me about that?!?) I get the sense that she is so gentle with me because usually we are dealing with my vulnerabilities, my shadow, the fears and other things that I hide from myself. She doesn't let me hide, but she isn't brutal about her revelations either.

I was kinda hoping for the Faery Godmother today! Fortunately, I can still ask Sairie for help.

60 The Pook Reversed

2006-06-01T12:53:00.000-07:00

I recently did a reading for someone, and the Pook came up several times. What he was saying was a bit unusual so I thought I'd share it, insofar as I can without violating client confidence.

Basically we were looking at patterns of behavior, and each time the Pook came up, he was reversed and he represented a particular type of mental instability. I hadn't thought before of his shape-changing applying to mental/emotional things as well as physical changes, but this was clearly what he was about here.

Each time he came up, we were looking at a form of borderline personality disorder. From an energy point of view, people with this tend to go along ok, ok, ok, ok, just fine - and then boom! You get a surge of rage and of blaming of others, which often focuses on one person as the scapegoat for all their problems.

Usually the accusations made are not just misunderstandings but are a radical twisting of the real situation. Often people with this disorder are very intelligent, so this twisting can sound quite plausible to anyone who doesn't know the actual facts. When the person is under more stress (internal or external), the explosive parts usually are longer and more frequent.

So, what the Pook (reversed) was showing me was this energy pattern of shape changing from ok to "monster" back to ok and repeating indefinitely. To me, this opened up a whole new way of thinking about "shape changing".

46 The Friends

2006-05-14T09:03:00.000-07:00

The Friends card — I now have an illustrator for the new book I'm working on, Every Day, Faery Wisdom. This is very exciting. I've been looking for someone and here was a great person to do it that I already know and love. I truly appreciate the opportunity to work with someoneI know that I can trust to share the vision and the energy of a project.

Also, I'm more clear about what is going on in my life, thanks to some in-depth conversations with friends—though it is still pretty much up in the air. Right now, I'm moving next door (to a friend's place!), and I'm not sure what I'll be doing or where I'll be going in the fall. Details, details!

What I'm working on, though, is the larger picture of what I want to do with the rest of my life, or at least the next several years of it. This is very much in the forefront of my mind. Today I expect to be discussing this stuff with two or three close friends, considering projects or other things we might be sharing later on—stuff like that.

What I'm really trying to do is to see the overall picture and the primary goals so I understand how the different projects fit within that framework. The Friends card reminds me that it isn't just my life, but that of friends entwined, all of us traveling in the same direction. It says, among other things, that there will always be support, both given and received. I'm reminded of the last line of the poem in the Friends section of the Faeries' Oracle book: "I never could have done this alone."

24 The Piper & Feng Shui

2006-04-21T23:39:00.000-07:00

What, you may be wondering, does the Piper have to do with Feng Shui? I have to admit that it isn't a connection I'd ever made before. He is about making your own music, singing your own song. Of course, that presupposes that you know what your theme is...

Tonight, I drew a card with the rather open-ended question of "what would the fae like me to know just now?" The Piper looked thoughtful, and allowed as how I wasn't paying attention to my "theme"—the melody of my life. He said, "You're trying so hard not to sing the blues that you aren't singing anything. You need to think about what you want to be singing. "

I hadn't thought of it that way, but he's right. And he was also right when he looked at me thoughtfully and said, "You know, everything is song—it's the basis of life. One of the ways you sing is through Feng Shui. It's how you create a visual energy song around you."

I'm moving house just now, reluctantly, and doing all the things I have to do to make that happen. But what I haven't done at all is to consider the feng shui of the place I'm moving into. Well, it faces south—that's a good start. But the theme? I haven't thought yet what I'd like to accomplish while I'm there. How do I want the balance to be? What is important to do, to be, to live for these next months to come?

He suggests that I go there, sit quietly for a while, and just sing. Now, he and I both know that singing isn't something I do well at all, but it is something I enjoy doing as long as no one is there to listen except the fae, who are more interested in the energy and the message than in my lack of tunefulness. So, tomorrow (it's too late tonight) I shall go down to the new place in the morning and sing and, hopefully, I'll find my theme.

I always get more done when I know where I'm trying to go. It isn't about chosing a direction so much as it is about recognizing the direction that is best for me at this moment. I'll see if I can sing my eyes open and see the path...

51 Topsie Turvets

2006-03-15T16:06:00.000-08:00

This morning when I did my usual consider-the-day thing, drawing a card to see what the fae have to say, the one that came up was the Topsie Turvets. All those faces peer out from this card. Turn them around and voila! They still are upright, laughing at what they see. They say, "See things in a different way, silly! Look at life again - it is what you think, but it's more than that too. Things have turned - be glad!"

Okay, so I've been thinking about that as I go through the day. I finally got it that, indeed, things have not only been changing, and not only have I been living with the Singer of Transfiguration on one side and Nelys the Alchemyst on the other, but things have changed and some kind of a critical point has been passed. No going back, not even a desire to go back.

I've reached that wonderful point where I'm actually looking forward - and doing it with hope and delight in what I see. I have, with Nelys and the Singer's help, made certain decisions, adjustments, and attitude changes. The decisions (sooooo tricky for a Libra) have been made. I'm committed to the change.

Thanks to the Turvets for helping me realize this! It feels a lot more comfortable than all that feeling of being suspended in mid-air.

11 Singer of Transfiguration

2006-03-07T10:22:00.000-08:00

Card of the day:

The Singer of Transfiguration says things not only change - sometimes they change forever and you never will go back to where/what/who you were before, and this is one of those times. Since it's a Singer, I also have to assume that this transfiguration is for my highest good.

Today, I start to clear and clean the place I'm moving into and to take some things down there. Life is overflowing with change.

I'm also thinking that the number 11 indicates that I'll have help with this, which is just as well and for which I'm very grateful. Not only the fae and singers are helping, but I have tangible, physical help as well. Lots of boxes to carry, furniture to move!

In a way, I think I'm glad to hear that it is transfiguration and not just another wobbly change that may only rock the boat and then take me back where I began. Real transfiguration moves us on to a new level, a whole new way of being.

43 Geeeeeooo the Slooow

2006-03-06T15:33:00.000-08:00

First thing this morning, I staggered out of bed and went into the living room to pull the card for the day. Geeeeeooo the Slooow... how funny! That was exactly how I felt. I've been rushing around for days. I'm moving out of my house, but didn't have a place to move to and now I do. It required a lot of fancy footwork over the weekend to set that up. Running around like a mad squirrel. So, today I'm sitting (and napping) and catching up for the week ahead.

I'm even puttering a little in the garden. In the garden I always feel that Geeeeeooo and Myk are with me, their slow voices making observations and offering suggestions. There is a lot that needs to be done. Go slow. Notice things. Let the whirling swirling action going on in and around my life happen by itself for one day while I rest and restore myself.

Tomorrow will be different, for sure.

Card of the Day - Nelys the Alchemyst (27)

2006-02-28T09:08:00.000-08:00

Nelys is about transformation, the metaphor of changing of lead into gold. Ok, I've been feeling pretty leaden and stagnant. Too many unwelcome changes are happening at once, and I seem to be handling them by trying to drag my feet. And at the same time, changes I might welcome are just stagnant, not happening. And the one thing Nelys doesn't like is stagnation. I have a feeling that she isn't too keen on self pity either.

In the heavens, the Sun is just conjuncting Uranus, and the Moon just glided gracefully past both of them, all in Pisces, which contains my natal Moon as well. Kaboom? So I'm expecting that each day for a bit will be full of surprising things, sudden changes in circumstance and mood, maybe even electrical zaps. The image of random lightning bolts striking where they will comes to mind. My "daily horoscope"* for today says, "Be ready for a surprise or two over the next couple of days as things change for the better."

"Better" would be much appreciated around here! There have been enough of the other kind...

So Nelys is standing there with her magic wand, looking thoughtful, considering the day ahead of us. I have no idea what she is thinking, but with Uranus crowning us all, I wouldn't, would I? Let's see what happens...

*A good source for free daily horoscopes is http://www.tarot.com - I like them because they are neither overly fatalistic nor negative nor sugary-sweet.

Megan and the Rarr

2005-02-24T20:49:00.000-08:00

The Rarr is Card 52 in the Faeries' Oracle. Quite a few years ago, when Toby Froud was very young, the Rarr used to play in Toby's room at night, zooming around and keeping him awake. Brian painted the Rarr, and the Rarr, quite naturally wanted to be in the Oracle - after all, with his boundless energy he can certainly keep up with the work involved.

Here we are now, years and years after Brian painted the Rarr, and I have a granddaughter, Megan, a bit younger than Toby was back then.

Megan, just after her second birthday, looking out my window at ???

The other day, shortly before her second birthday, Megan and I were looking through the Faeries' Oracle. This was Megan's idea. She kept picking up the cards, which she hadn't seen before, and wanting to play with them, so we sat down on the floor and I fanned them in an arc so she could look at them. She'd draw a card, study it thoroughly from all angles for a while, and then hand it to me.

About the fourth or fifth card she pulled, the Rarr came up. She looked at it and her eyes lit up. Looking up at me, she exclaimed, "Rarr!" She began weaving it through the air in a figure of eight, shouting, "Rarr! Rarr! Rarrrrrrrrrrrr!" She looked up at me and giggled happily.

Handing me the card, she motioned for me to swoop the Rarr through the air, while she laughed and laughed between shouts of "Rarr!" This is all probably proof of something... if we needed any proof.

Old Year, New Year

2005-01-01T01:46:00.000-08:00

I often like to mark transitions points with a personal ritual, and New Year's Eve is a time I especially like to do this. It is such an obvious time to acknowledge the past, release old stuff, and look to the future. This year a new part of that process has been to bring the Oracle into it. I don't know why I haven't done that before. I guess I just got in a rut and didn't think of anything new. I'm glad I did it, though, because it brought a whole new dimension to the process.

So, in addition to my usual ritual, I drew three cards for the past, and three cards for the future. I was a little fuzzy about exactly what the past cards were to signify because I didn't really know what I wanted them to do. I thought I'd let them tell me as we went along. The three past cards were:

The Oak Men (47)
Honesty (40)
Indi, reversed (63)

The Oak Men reminded me that sometimes old stuff is hard to release. Sometimes it takes courage and strength even to look at it, to see our part in it,to realize how it no longer serves us (if it ever really did), and to move on. They reminded me this strength is available to me through my roots in Earthmother and all I have to do is to draw on it. I felt a little shaken by this because I could see they meant it about it not being easy. But I don't have to handle this by myself—they'll help.

Honesty looked at me so earnestly that I realized I needed to look more honestly at the past, at my feelings about it, at what I wanted to release and why. He suggested that I'd have to continue doing this as well. I got the idea that he felt I was trying to skip over some things lightly when I really needed to look at them deeply. So I looked again at my list of things I wanted to release, considered each one more carefully, and added a bit to the list. Honesty stood beside me while I was doing this, pointing to things on the list and nodding or shaking his head.

The problem seemed to be not so much about thinking as about feeling. I was trying to release things without letting myself feel it much. Well, it's not the first time I've done that. So, there were some tears instead of my attempt at a brisk, no nonsense approach. And some smiles as well. He also reminded me that some of this was not likely to be a one-time "goodbye"—it was likely to take more than that—and I'd need to continue to take time to really feel the process, not just skip over it. Trying to slide past without feeling too much means I'm not actually letting go of much.

Indi, Mr. I-Can't-Make-Up-My-Mind himself, was very forthright about his advice. "Just make up your mind what you really really really want and say so! Don't shilly-shally!" In other words, none of the Libra hedging I usually do to avoid making a real commitment. If I am to get what I want, I've got to admit, at least to myself, that I really do want it and let myself feel that.

Okay, so far so good. Next, the cards for the future are:

The Guardian of the Gate, reversed (3)
Ekstasis (2)
Himself (17)

I laughed aloud when I first saw the Guardian. Well, of course I was going through a gate into the new year. Then I thought about it a bit and about the fact that the card was reversed. It seemed to me that the Guardian was saying two things: not yet, and when you do, it's going to go whoosh! So, it seems to me that I have some finishing up to do with the old stuff before I can really move on, but that it's close and it's going to be powerful and quick when I'm ready. I can clearly sense that Gate ahead of me now and how it stands open and inviting.

When I picked up the Ekstasis card to look at it more closely, I felt this huge, sudden surge of joy—so much so that I couldn't move for a moment. I realized that there were tears in my eyes again, but this time tears of joy. My heart felt too big for my chest and it was hard to breathe for a few minutes. Then I had to stand up and dance around the room a little bit. It was just too hard to hold still. The last several years have been very difficult in many ways and joy has seemed less easy to connect with. I realize that Ekstasis doesn't promise that life will necessarily be easier, but that it shall be more joyful. This is extremely encouraging.

Last, but never least, Himself. I love Himself so much and always have. He is lover, protector, mate. He is the male counterpart to my inner goddess. I can just lean into his strength and feel secure and comfortable and cared for and happy. Now, on the whole, I'm quite happy with being on my own. I don't feel a need for someone to make my life all right (at least, not often and not much—Honesty was nudging me there) or to fill the empty spaces. My life nearly always feels quite full—even too full at times.

But sometimes I do have a longing for someone to be a companion, to closely share things with. Honesty is nudging me again, reminding me that I'd go nuts if someone was too close too much of the time. True, but there is a balance in all things, if only one can find it. And lately I've been feeling more and more that this much solitude isn't it, and I'd like to find that balance. Now, I don't know if Himself is saying that he is the balance and all I truly need, or if he is saying that a human man (manifesting Himself's energy) will come into my life to be a best friend and companion—and perhaps even more. That would be lovely, but I'm almighty picky there. He might just be saying that he will be more present in my life this year and that I won't feel the need of any more than his presence. I don't know, but I guess I'll find out.

Whoever you are, dear reader, wherever you may be, may the coming year bring joy and wisdom and prosperity to you! And may the fae bless you and yours, as they have me.

Almost Midwinter's Day

2004-12-12T11:48:00.000-08:00

Well, here I am on my fourth blog post and it's been nearly six months since I started this. I'm not doing very well on my intention to add something most days, am I? I had to confess to a writer's group this morning that I was a blogger washout, and that seems to have nudged me here.

Today's card of the day...Laiste, Moon's Daughter (number 38). Here in the north it is nearly the darkest time of the year, and I'm looking forward with Laiste to happier, brighter days. What a lovely card to draw for such a dreicht winter day! (I may not have spelled "dreicht" right, but the dictionary doesn't know either. It's one of those Scots words really, but it's the best one I know for a dreary, wet, melancholy, depressing, cold, and generally yukky day.) However, Laiste doesn't look dreary at all - she looks smugly joyful. I'm so glad she came up. Suddenly I'm feeling like the tunnel in which I seem caught has windows, with occasional sunbeams shining through them and a faery crystal filling my space with bright rainbows.

Don't mistake me here - I'm not saying there is no light at the end of this tunnel of mine just because I don't see it. The world is full of surprises and Laiste reminds me that perhaps it is a tunnel with a curve. If so, I might not see the light even if it were there and not far away. Perhaps so. Perhaps the light isn't where I thought it would be, but there might be one anyway. She looks so smug about it that I have to smile. Ok, Laiste, I'll keep my eyes open and see if I can find any reflected light on the walls of the tunnel ahead. And I'll keep looking out the windows meanwhile. It looks good out there, and at least my tunnel is dry.

Alpine Labyrinth

2004-09-07T07:43:00.000-07:00

On my friend Nancy's birthday on 2 September we went up to the labyrinth at Alpine. Alpine is about halfway up into the mountains east of San Diego, CA, and the labyrinth there is maintained by two nuns. We'd been having very hot weather (which I'm not used to) so we went quite early in the morning to catch the remains of the night's coolness.

When we got there, we decided that Nancy would walk it first as it was her birthday. While she did, I took a few photos which turned out with lovely light effects.

Nancy being in the moment in the labyrinth,

with sunbeams and light bubbles.

Later on, it was my turn to walk the path. I'd been meditating in the sun while Nancy walked, trying to be clear about what I was taking into the labyrinth with me. The clarity I got was that it would be good if I just walked and if I remembered what the Buddhist teacher Thich Nhat Hanh said: Walk as if your feet were kissing the earth.

Starting out, that was easy - as it always is. Easy to begin; more difficult to keep up. Distractions kept popping into my mind and I distracted myself even more by struggling with them. At least, I did that until I realized that I only needed to let the sun shine through me and the distraction-shadows would sink into the earth. Breathing was the key, as always. Breathing with my steps, my feet kissing the earth, each step deliberate, steady, balanced.

Balance is always tricky for me. The old polio stuff still shows when I try to slow down and do something a little differently from my usual way. Finding the pace that let me balance most easily took a bit of time.

Although it seems simple, walking a labyrinth can be a profound experience. You can see from the photo above that there are many turns and that the path is much longer than you might expect. The curves and the turns and the balanced pace all require a certain attention through out the duration of the walk - attention that pulls one's mind back from the distractions. And at the same time, it allows them to gently bubble up so that they may be released. I found that three things were happening:

The first thing was that I continually had to refocus on letting go - on releasing tensions in my body that threw me off balance, releasing distracting, unbalancing thoughts, releasing random unbalancing feelings. Sometimes I'd forget to keep letting go and the energy would build up as heat. On one or two occasions I found myself sweating and feeling a little faint from the heat energy and I had to pause and earth myself more strongly so that the excess would dissipate.

At times it seemed like I'd been walking forever, and I felt exhausted. Yet, the exhaustion could be released too, as if it were another kind of tension. (This was a startling realization for me. I'm dealing with an on-going illness that produces frequent deep exhaustion, and since the walk, I've been wonder if that exhaustion, too, could be released in some way - perhaps by finding my balance and re-establishing my pace. I am still thinking about and experimenting with that, realizing that I've been pushing myself out of balance often simply by pushing myself, by going too fast for my right pace. )

The second thing was that everything I released made it easier for me to walk in balance. There is a Navajo saying about "walking in beauty" with beauty before you, behind you, to the right and to the left, above and below. This felt as if I were discovering how to walk in the beauty of balance. It felt, not as if I were changing, but as if the world were coming into balance around me - a tilting, wobbling planet swinging upright.

Third, time distorts in a labyrinth, as it sometimes does when one is meditating. Some areas seemed to take forever, while others went by so quickly I almost wondered if I'd accidently skipped parts. There was no way to skip parts without noticing because it is a continual path - a labyrinth, but not a maze. It is meant to help us find our way, not to trick us into losing it. I knew about this time distortion from experience in other labyrinths, but I always forget and am always surprised. It takes just as long as it takes, and that time - if one's pace is right - is exactly the time that is needed to complete the process, whatever the process is.

Four - the fourth thing didn't happen, but I expected it to. That's why I said "three things" above. I expected there to be bursts of insight and realization as I walked the path. They didn't occur. That doesn't mean they won't happen another time, but just that this time I needed simply to feel the process of release and balance, letting go and being a surfer in the moment, poised in this moment of time. All the thoughts and insights from the process have come gradually in the days since then. They are still coming, and I'm still integrating them into my daily life.

At the end of the walk I felt strangely empty, having freed myself of various tension-burdens I'd been carrying. I felt light - as light as the bubbles of light that showed in the picture of Nancy above. Light hearted. Enlightened - or at least, in the process.

Just walking.

Setting Goals

2004-06-28T11:51:00.000-07:00

Today I didn't draw cards for myself, but did exchange readings with my friend, Nancy. We started out intending to just draw a card for each other for a specific question, but one thing led to another and we came up with a format that might interest others.

We were both interested in defining goals because we were feeling a bit bogged down and uncertain about where we were going.

We did the readings over the phone, and Nancy was using a deck unfamiliar to me, which has unusual names for the cards, so I've forgotten which actual cards turned up. What we did was to draw cards for different ranges of goals - Spiritual, Physical, Mental, and Emotional. That would be the basic threads of one's life, but you could add more specific goals to that, like career, a particular relationship. However, at this moment we were searching for our bottom-line, basic needs and keeping it simple worked very well for both of us. Here is how it worked for me.

Spiritual goal - Spend more time in nature, more time attuned to the natural world. This gives me a spiritual balance and a perspective on life that is important to me. It also provides impetus to my creativity, especially for writing, which is a large part of my spiritual work, both for myself and to help others.

Physical goals - Fire. I need to have more fire in my life--fire in both physical and metaphorical senses. In the purely physical sense, I need to arrange warm (and dry) winters for myself to keep my lungs happier. I also need more passion in my life, more enthusiasm, which I will naturally have if I'm feeling better physically. I need to do the things that add energy, especially fire energy. Organizing a series of warm and dry winters will be quite an undertaking. I'm thinking about Central America...

Mental goals - Activities that give me joy. I need to be engaged in some mental activities and projects that make me bubble over with joy. I've been playing with a writing project that does exactly that, but thinking it wasn't "important" and what I'm hearing here is that it is important--inportant to my mental health. Mental play for mental health. There are lots of mental activities I find rewarding and stimulating in various ways, but this is saying that actual joy is a key ingredient and to focus on that.

Emotional goal - Fill the cup. Life has been very up and down for me lately, and I keep struggling with discouragement about "not getting anywhere." This is about focusing on what I have in the moment, which keeps my emotional cup, as I perceive it, full. At the same time, I need to break my current habit of fretting over what isn't done and what seems to be taking forever to do. I can't make it move any faster, but I can stop focusing on what isn't happening, which empties the cup. Simple. I know this! But I forget and go into fretting mode. Let go of the fretting; experience the fullness of the present.

Midsummer's Day

2004-06-21T10:26:00.000-07:00

My Card for Today: Ffaff the Ffooter

Ffaff tells me I really need to pay attention to staying earthed today, to being in contact with Earthmama, and also to paying close attention to the messages from my own body. I'm planning a day mostly outdoors, working on the land. I have tree stumps to move, trees, bushes, and flowers to plant, and floors to paint. Ffaff tells me that these are all very appropriate activities for this lovely Midsummer Day, but to Be Aware as I work/play/krow of my physical needs and limitations as well as the wishes of my heart and exuberance of my spirit.

I drew another card because I was wondering how I could best carry this out. The Green Woman came up and from her expression of happy feistiness I feel that I just need to be myself, but to be an attentive, aware self--and to connect with the Green Woman within myself--the one who is nature, an integral part of the natural world. She is free because she is always in touch with herself in the present moment, not caught up in past or future or circling thoughts.