20 Dark Lady
My card for today is the Dark Lady. It's a little surprising to pull her card so close to the Bright Mother's full moon, but these things happen, especially when I'm falling behind. I look at her, puzzled, but not really listening. When I finally realize that I'm not listening, I center and earth myself and open up.
She says firmly, "I understand what you need today. You'd understand, too, if you'd listen deeply enough."
This immediately reminds me that I haven't been doing my inner journeys as I had planned, intended, and "want" to do. It also reminds me that I do really need to do them. And it makes it clear that my resistance has been "winning" while I've not been even noticing that it is there. It's the old thing of, if you've decided to do something you want to do and know would be beneficial to you—and then you don't do it, that's resistance, plain and simple.
That searching gaze of hers always makes me feel naked and transparent to her—even if not to myself. I think perhaps an inner journey is in order today to learn what it is that I understand without knowing it—or know without understanding it.
Funny thing—I feel nervous about this, as if she were going to scold me. I usually feel that with her, and yet she has never been other than loving in all the years we have talked together. I suppose I'm projecting my own scolding of myself. (How many times has the Soul Shrinker warned me about that?!?) I get the sense that she is so gentle with me because usually we are dealing with my vulnerabilities, my shadow, the fears and other things that I hide from myself. She doesn't let me hide, but she isn't brutal about her revelations either.
I was kinda hoping for the Faery Godmother today! Fortunately, I can still ask Sairie for help.
She says firmly, "I understand what you need today. You'd understand, too, if you'd listen deeply enough."
This immediately reminds me that I haven't been doing my inner journeys as I had planned, intended, and "want" to do. It also reminds me that I do really need to do them. And it makes it clear that my resistance has been "winning" while I've not been even noticing that it is there. It's the old thing of, if you've decided to do something you want to do and know would be beneficial to you—and then you don't do it, that's resistance, plain and simple.
That searching gaze of hers always makes me feel naked and transparent to her—even if not to myself. I think perhaps an inner journey is in order today to learn what it is that I understand without knowing it—or know without understanding it.
Funny thing—I feel nervous about this, as if she were going to scold me. I usually feel that with her, and yet she has never been other than loving in all the years we have talked together. I suppose I'm projecting my own scolding of myself. (How many times has the Soul Shrinker warned me about that?!?) I get the sense that she is so gentle with me because usually we are dealing with my vulnerabilities, my shadow, the fears and other things that I hide from myself. She doesn't let me hide, but she isn't brutal about her revelations either.
I was kinda hoping for the Faery Godmother today! Fortunately, I can still ask Sairie for help.
posted by Jesa | 12:40 PM
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